Mother’s Day; a day to honour one of the most precious people in your life and as a Mum, it’s a day to celebrate the role you play in the life of your children. If you’ve lost your Mum or you’re a Mum that’s lost a child, Mother’s Day is also a bittersweet, emotional time of year. From feeling an abundance of love to being filled with grief and sorrow at the missed opportunity you would normally get to experience on this precious day; the emotions will flow.
Every year the day comes around, and they say time heals all wounds, I haven’t found this to be the case talking with bereaved mothers or children. Time just dulls the memories, so they are less raw and available.
Most of your life you’ve had somewhere to be on Mother’s Day, but this year without your Mum, the day may feel empty or unplanned, plus there’s now an empty chair at your table. Time and space to reconnect with her memory could be necessary for the first few years, or longer. What did you love to do with your Mum? Have you thought of starting a ritual each year that would keep her memory alive? It could be visiting a memorial with the flowers that made her smile or lunching in her favourite place. These are just a couple of things that come to mind, but the most important thing is to support each other through the day. Be understanding, be respectful of family members that need space, and remember grief comes in many forms and we all grieve in our way.
Your Mother was possibly your greatest teacher and has taught you just as much about love in her death as she did throughout her life. To share, to honour, to grieve, but most importantly how to love infinitely. Your relationship didn’t end when she died, you’re still her child, and she will always be your Mum. At some point, I hope you feel her love more than your grief, but it’ll take time.
A Mother losing her child may be the hardest things she will ever experience. There are no words of comfort that can be said for the loss you must feel, and none that will make the day any better. Your grief and your child won’t be forgotten. The empty space will last a lifetime, as will your love for them. Speak their name, talk about them as you normally would, their memory lives on through you and honouring them on Mother’s Day is essential. Remember to take care of yourself and spend some time reflecting on what the day means to you as a loving Mum.
Others celebrate the day, as they should, as Mothers with Mothers, sometimes oblivious to those around them that are experiencing grief in silence. There absolutely should be a day to celebrate Mums, just as there should be a time to remember what others have lost. Remember, it’s okay to be sad; it’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to miss those you love forever. Love is love, no rules, no complications and death does not end that.